#GTMOproblems; or, Crotch tarantulas and Toad-licking dogs

Today's weather in Guantánamo Bay Naval Station, Cuba: high of 85º and sunny. 

1. The worst thing your parents can threaten you with is not letting you play outside. (It works like a charm)
2. You have flip flops for every season---and don't understand why you can't buy more online when it's the middle of winter.
3. In an effort to keep up with your &%$ keys, you realize that the best place to keep them is in the ignition. That way, you'll always know where they are. Also, if your neighbors need to borrow your car quickly, they don't have to knock on the door and disturb you for the keys.
4. You know the exact dates of the six flights off the island every month, even if you don't plan on going anywhere. (Must have an escape plan!)
5. You can't get fresh tomatoes some days---but you can always get lemongrass (and know how to cook 2-3 dishes using it).
6. You have to bring your own grass to the golf course.

7. You have a Keurig, because everyone here has a Keurig.
8. Don't don't price shop. You don't even flinch at the checkout (anymore).
9. You don't think it's weird that Pizza Hut is out of pizza, the ice cream machine is broken at McDonalds for a month, or Subway is out of bread.
10. You go to rent a movie and realize you've already seen every single new movie. For free. Under the stars.
11. You get your local news on the "roller," a local station that runs a PowerPoint. If you miss an announcement on a slide, you have to wait 30 minutes for it to roll back around.
12. You find information on the roller about what to do if your dog licks a poisonous toad, or a notice that your neighborhood is going to have a power blackout for 8 hours, and you don't find it weird (or even alarming).
13. You find it annoying when all four windmills aren't turning at the same time. You don't know why this is; it just is.

14. You can't figure out how to turn on your cell phone you haven't used in a year.
15. You own a checkbook---and use it. You can only pay cash or check for your phone and cable bill (no credit cards).
16. Your local bank doesn't have cash. You think it's normal to get all your money from the ATM.
17. Finding your neighbor on your couch or back porch waiting for you when you get home from work isn't a strange thing. They let themselves in because the house is always unlocked.
18. You always have a couple of bottles of wine in the fridge because, well, there are always those neighbors stopping by. . .
19. Although you suspect it's an urban legend that you can be fined up to $10,000 for killing an iguana, you are extra careful and check under and behind your car every time you get in it.
20. Your sunglasses cost $80, your purse cost $150, your running shoes cost $100, your cheap ear buds cost $20, and your flip flops $40 (all with a shipping tariff tacked on), because with one store, you get what you get and don't throw a fit.
21. You don't have any idea what the most recent viral videos are, because you really don't have 30 minutes to watch that 2 minute video that everyone is posting on FaceBook.
22. You spend a fortune on razors. Nothing like having to shave EVERY DAY because you will definitely wear shorts and may also end up at the beach.
23. Tarantulas really do jump straight up, right about crotch level, if you run on top of them at night.

Don't ask me how I know this.

And
24.You've got 99 problems---but traffic ain't one.

Meme pics from the facebook site Guantanamo Memes---funny stuff if you live here. If you don't---you probably won't get it. But it's still funny.