Lady Bits and the MJ Special; or, Surgery, GTMO Style

I wrote the first half of this post over 3 weeks ago, after my first experience with surgery in Cuba. I then chickened out at posting it because, well, living in a fishbowl where everyone knows your business is difficult for me, a somewhat private person. 
But thanks to social media and that whole fishbowl thing, most people know about the second, much more serious surgery, and because I've had 1001 questions,  I decided to post it anyway. 
For those of you who haven't kept up with the last few blog posts, here's a quick breakdown of my woes and recovery. 

So here it is, a tale of my recent medical issues, in 2 parts:

Part 1 from Dec. 11:

I will just cut to the chase. But beforehand---a warning that if you are overly-sensitive reading about women's reproductive organs and the like, you can skip out now and catch another post, another day.

Okay. Still here? Good.

I have something to add to my list of GTMO firsts---this Wednesday, I had surgery.

I have been anemic for a while---if you haven't had anemia, it's a horrible feeling of total exhaustion, and sometimes I also get to the point of shaking uncontrollably. Most recently, I started passing out because my iron levels are so low.

Because I have been cursed by an overactive cycle, I was a great candidate for a Novasure procedure, which gets rid of the pesky endometrium and thus no more hemorrhaging. Bonus---Novasure can be done here,  so I was like, sign me up yesterday. I. AM. SO. THERE.

Going into the hospital is always a strange experience (especially when there is anesthesia and narcotics involved), and I did learn and experience the following during Wednesday's trip:

1) I have big veins. Huge veins. Amazing, healthy veins.
I heard all the above, at least twice.
Need blood? I'm the type 0+ girl with big veins and I will happily oblige.

2) the "Michael Jackson Special" (Propofol) is awesome---"like 5 margaritas without the hangover," as one staff member put it. I was mucho loopy afterwards, but what great sleep. . .

3) Those minutes before going completely under are so strange. I've have three surgeries before, and in the past, I've had OR staff tell me to count backwards or think happy thoughts. This time, it was, "Think of a beautiful tropical island you want to visit and go there in your dreams" and my last words before going under were, "Anywhere but GTMO."

Thank God those weren't my last words.

4) I woke up in recovery with the lyrics to a Social Distortion song in my head ("I was Wrong"). Were they listening to Social D in the operating room? Is this some message from my subconscious??? Was I wrong about "Anywhere but GTMO?"

5) I knew when I came to in recovery that my surgery was not successful. When the doctor came in with photographs of my uterus, I saw the problem---a huge fibroid tumor taking up over half of it. You can't have the procedure if you have any tumors or polyps. Sadness, sadness---I will have to go with the next plan, which is---

6) I now need a hysterectomy. :(   My husband saw that I was on the verge of tears when I told him. I have few long-range goals in life: healthy, happy children, ability to travel when I'm retired, and the knowledge I will die with all my teeth and organs.

Having some of my lady-bits removed does not make me happy. I don't know why; it's been such a pain (literally) for several years now. But I love being a woman, and I am going to miss my lady bits.

Look at your fist (if you are a dude, look at a lady's fist---it's somewhat smaller than yours) and image that's the size of your uterus. I had 2 children that were almost 9 and 9/12 lbs, both measuring over 20 inches long, and now it's back to its original size. It's amazing thing, the human body, and the uterus is the most incredible of all organs, in my opinion.

When he saw my disappointment, my husband said, "Oh, sweetie, it's okay!!! It housed 2 awesome children and did a great job. It's okay, you can live without it."

True, true.

So I am resolved to take care of the situation, although I'm going to miss my uterus.

I need this awesome pillow from Iheartguts.com.

The staff here was fantastic---professional, courteous, and took the time to answer all questions and explain everything multiple times. The staff took good care of me, and I have full confidence in them when it's time to come back for surgery part 2.0.

My issues, part 2 (Jan 1):

So I did it! I went through with major surgery this past Monday in a small hospital. Just the idea of having it done here freaks out a lot of my GTMO friends, but seriously, y'all---I grew up in a small town with a small hospital that had similar services as here. As long as you have experienced, smart people treating you, it doesn't matter if it's a big city hospital or a little island one.

For me, the best decision was to stay here instead of traveling to the US and having to stay in a hotel for recovery. I can't imagine flying soon after the procedure, either.

No MJ special this time---a LAVH is a lot more tedious a procedure, and it took several hours from the beginning of surgery to me being able to go back to my hospital room. I ended up spending 2 nights because I was really weak and had some low blood pressure issues.

And no, I still don't have a complete set of  #@%*! lesson plans for five preps of classes for next week, so that's constantly in the back of my mind. I hate feeling guilty for being sick. It's the curse of being a teacher; you fall victim to the attitude that you aren't doing your job well unless you feel like a martyr.

I like to plan and plan and overplan for my job, so having about a week to prepare for major surgery threw me for a loop (especially when Christmas fell right smack in the middle of that week).

I am feeling better since coming out of surgery (I'll spare the details---let's just say it was really, really rough for several hours) and now my pain level is manageable. I'm working on getting my iron levels back up so I feel like a regular human again instead of an exhausted one.

I'm also appreciative of the angels all around---my neighbors, friends, and colleagues who have brought my family meals and/or offered to help in myriad ways, and all the friends and family who have messaged my husband and me to see how things are going. You are very appreciated. <3

I never thought 2014 would be the year that I (literally) left a little part of myself in Cuba. . .

With that thought, I'm looking forward to a more healthy 2015. Here's to new beginnings, better health, and all around happiness!